So, as those of you who speak with me on a regular basis already know, I have run into a bit of a problem with our new daycare provider (that we just started with back in August). And although I have discussed it with nearly everyone already, and all have been totally supportive, I still feel hurt and angry about it. I cant figure out why I'm letting it get to me so much.
For those of you who don't know this story, I will briefly enlighten you. My son, who is just now two and a half years old, started lashing out at daycare about a month and a half after he started there (he had already started on his terrible twos so i can't attribute it to that- we ran into power struggles starting 3 weeks after his 2nd birthday)... Anywho... the outbursts this woman describes are just beyond me.. I have never seen my child behave the way she says he does when he is angry at her home. We occasionally get hit or screamed at by our son... but she is describing a child that violently attacks other children for no reason at all (she never has an answer for what started the whole ordeal) she has said he has headbutted, scratched, bit, punched and kicked her and multiple other daycare children all in the same fit... I have seen him hit another child MAYBE two times ever... usually its screaming over stolen toys or taking toys from another kid... but the problem is generally easily resolved... she says she cant get him to go to time out and when she puts him there he starts punching her and threatening her. She called me Tuesday to come talk to him because she said all the other daycare kids were afraid of him (mind you he is the smallest and youngest child there). When I arrived, he was sitting quietly in his time out chair (which faces so that he can see everything- quite a contradiction from our time-outs which she said she would switch to) and had the most hurt look in his eyes that were welled up with tears.. and the other children appeared to be playing quite contentedly...so... anyway.. when i came to pick him up at the end of the day (which was around 3o'clock) she had handwritten a letter about how if he acted out again like that one more time he would no longer be allowed to continue at her daycare... she called him a danger to the other children and called him physically and verbally abusive. How a two year old can be considered abusive is beyond me to begin with-- but.. as i said-- i have never witnessed such behavior out of my child. So, somewhat concerned, we took him to the doctor... who.. of course.. said he saw no behavioral issues and that it was most likely a problem with the daycare provider and either her disciplinary style and or her temperament... (I have never received a complaint about my child's behavior from anyone else who has ever watched him without me either).... SO..
Just to put things into perspective.. I have already paid through the end of the year-- so two weeks are left-- and I'm afraid to send him there-- because I'm not sure what's going on while I'm not there- not to mention I'm afraid to not be allowed to take him there during my finals (which i still have 2 left to take)... I don't know if this woman simply cant deal with very young kids or what... but.. I have started looking for another daycare-- but I'm kind of uncertain as to what is going to happen with the money we have already paid her-- in her contract it says we have to give 2 weeks notice to terminate the contract (paid) but it does not mention what happens if she terminates it-- and I'm assuming she'll wait until the last day of paid time is gone-- at which point i would be left scrambling to find another daycare days before my spring semester starts...
Well.. I feel slightly better I guess... I don't know.. I just don't understand how someone can charge to care for children that they know they cant emotionally handle (she has thrown another child out of her daycare in the past of the same age for the same exact said problems-- she informed me of this about a month after we started with her) And then throw that kind of stress onto someone just before the holidays at a time they already know is stressful for the other (ie:my finals) I don't know what else to say at this point... but.. that's where my thoughts lie right now-- just hours before my Spanish final.... I'm trying to move my mind away from the issue so that i can crack my book back open-- but... i just don't think its going to happen as i know i will be finally confronting her again in a few hours as well (I have kept him out of daycare since the letter was written) Oh well.. anyway.. thanks for reading... have a happy holiday season if you don't stop in again before then
4 comments:
*hug* hang in there. I know this must be so hard on you. I wish I knew what to tell you.
All I can say is the times I've seen Owen he is a pure joy, when friends have mentioned him they describe him as sweet. My boys (especially Justin ) adore him and while he seems far from an easy child he is hardly a danger and in my opinion seems very similiar to most 2 year olds I know my own included :)
Just rememember that we're here and can help if you need it. I'm sure my boys would adore some Owen time so if you need help or some study time or what not just ask us and we'll do what we can. I hope you find another place soon this must be so stressful.
Lil
Sorry to hear you are having difficulty. It sounds like your provider is using the 3 strikes policy. It is a providers #1 concern to have every childs safety in mind. If any childs safety is question steps have to be taken to resolve it. I don't know your particular circumstances though. I have had to use this policy before and I have told the parent to place your child in the other seat. If your child came home and told you he had been hit by another child you would want it handled and know that every day you sent your child to that facility they would be safe. Again I don't know your particulars but I hope you find a good resolution to your problem. As a provider myself I just thought I would share.
well maybe the steps she should have taken were to actually discipline him (ie: using the timeout methods we had agreed upon perviously and not sitting him in a chair where he can still sit and watch everyone- or maybe taking him straight to time out at the first instance of hitting rather than telling him to go to time out and giving him the chance to take it out on other kids by waiting for him to go on his own which he clearly wasnt doing for her-- or perhaps controling the other children a bit so that they arent taking toys from him left and right or paying more attention so he didnt feel a need to lash out to get attention ect ect...) sorry but with a 2 year old- i dont think that "3 strike policy" quite sticks-- 2 year olds aren't dangerous to other children-in fact- more often than not they are modeling behavior- the provider simply can't handle the child or discipline correctly- especially when the parent or any other adult that has ever watched the child has never had a problem. You can't expect every child you have- (especially one at an age just learning to properly express a range of emotions) to be perfect- and they are going to go through different behavior stages-- and if you add up every bit of bad behavior i'm sure every kid at some point will fall under the 3 strikes rule-- and-- if you provide a decent outlet to release anger rather than nit picking every time you DO conquer a behavior issue-- you might have fewer outbursts since the child will have less reason to be frustrated. ok-- I'm done ranting :P
You are so blind and sad . . . get over your self!
Do you think she is making your son's behavior up? Wake up lady your son is crying out for you - you are selfish- leaving him somewhere, with someone you don't even trust -- big surprise he is lashing out. 2 year old children need their parents, not a care provider who has a hand full of other kids too. Take this seriously -- your little boy needs u!
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